April Hamilton and CCST3K's Magical MSTery Tour Productions Presents... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- X-01: The Beginning (Volume One of The X Manga Translations) X and all related characters belong to CLAMP and Asuka. CardCator Sakura and all its characters also belong to CLAMP. MST3K belongs to Best Brains, Inc. Seth Applegate, Madison Kyosetsu, Mai-Yu Han, Kaysa Foster, and Mayuko all belong to April Hamilton. "X-01: The Beginning" was translated from the original by Tonghyun "Vajra" Kim and edited by Iain Sinclair. C&C welcome. Send to April at: green_eyed_rei@yahoo.com and CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun) at: emperorschlueter@hotmail.com E-mail Tonghyun "Vajra" Kim (the original translator) at: tkim@sdcc3.ucsd.edu ---------------------------------------------------------------------- (Kaysa Foster's Laboratory, December 1st, 2004, 6:47pm) [A dark laboratory. The walls are stone, and on various tables strewn around the room, there are mysterious substances bubbling, and static crackling from strange machines... Oh, who are we kidding? It's a small room that bears an eerie resemblance to the bedroom of a Japanese house in Tokyo, with a clean hardwood floor and white walls. Not that you could tell it had either, with all the technological junk strewn across the room, and piled up to the ceiling on the walls. In a corner is an unremarkable bed.] Kaysa: We haven't had anything to do to them since Lianne's fic, Mayuko. Mayuko: So I've noticed, sir. I assumed you were giving them a reprieve. Kaysa: REPREIVE?! They don't deserve a reprieve! No... I have an idea. I have a machine here... somewhere... Mayuko: Sir? Kaysa: Ah-hah! Now I'll be able to cause them pain... (SCENE CHANGE - The Trans-dimensional Theatre, 7:32pm) [In the lobby of the Trans-Dimensional Theatre are Len and Madison, who seemed to have adapted the television Kaysa uses to talk to them for playing PlayStation games. At the moment, Madison is watching the screen as Len directs three people to run around a rather run down- looking town. Suddenly, the game is replaced by the images of Kaysa and a typically bland looking Mayuko.] Len: I hadn't saved! Kaysa: Deal. It has occurred to me that I have not inflicted nearly enough pain on you lately. Madison: And we're thankful for it. Len: But... my... my game... Kaysa: Oh, shut up about your game. Just for that, you'll be the first I try out my new little device on! Len: Touch me with that, and I'll fry you, psycho. Kaysa: Try it. Len: [There's a very long silence as Kaysa stares from the screen at where they were just standing.] Kaysa: ...That wasn't supposed to happen. Mayuko: You're smooth, sir. Kaysa: Oh, shut up and help me find them. ** (Meanwhile, somewhere else in time and space...) [On board the CR-SOL-01, Satellite of Love, 16-Year old SAKURA KINOMOTO and her former rival turned romantic interest SYAORAN LI wander the hallways] Sakura: Mou... I'm so tired... Tomoyo-chan's been at her sewing machine again. Why does she insist on making all those costumes now? It's not like there's any point anymore. Syaoran: Ne... That's Daidouji for you, I suppose. If she's not making clothes she's stalking about with her camcorder. Familiar Voice: Hey! I don't stalk anybody! Tomoyo: Oops... Sakura: Hoeee... Syaoran: Oh, did you finish the Clow card for this week, Sakura-chan? Sakura: Eh? Oh, yes, I did. It's called 'The Teleport'. Syaoran Oh? Sakura: Hai! I'll show you. ** (Unknown Theater of The Lost, 7:45 pm) [The scene is a darkened and empty theater. Suddenly, there's a bright flash of light as Sakura and Syaoran suddenly reappear... in mid-air. A split-second later they crash to the theater floor] Sakura: Hoeeeee... What was that? Syaoran-kun! Syaoran-kun! Daijoubu?! Syaoran: ...huh...? Nani?! Where are we? Sakura: I don't know... This isn't our theater... [A second flash of light goes off, this one tossing in a pair of girls sidelong einto the theatre.] Len: ...My game... Madison: Ano... Len-san, I think that's the least of our worries at the moment... Len: Eh? Oh. I... see. It looks like... a theater. *Wonderful*. Madison: Oh, hello. Captor or victim? Sakura and Syaoran: Victim. Sakura: Ahh... Perhaps we should intoduce ourselves. I'm Kinomoto Sakura-chan and this is Li Syaoran-kun. Syaoran: Hmmm... Madison: I'm Kyosetsu Madison. This is Sume- mmph. Len: Len. Just... Len. Sakura: Anno... But how did we end up here? Voice: I'll be happy to explain that. [There's a bright flash and a somber, glowing female figure appears] Sakura and Syaoran: VOID?! Len: I take it you lot know one another? Sakura: It can't be! Void Card: Oh, but it is! Sakura: But I sealed you! Void Card: Well, since you've been making Clow cards for a while now, it's given *me* some extra power too. Your 'Teleport' card gave me just the oomph I needed to abduct you for a couple of hours! Syaoran: But why? Void Card: Because I was GYPED!! That's why!! I was supposed to get someone's most important emotion when you sealed me!! I WANT MY POUND OF FLESH DAMMIT!! Syaoran: Oh, calm down and have some dip. Sakura: But what about them? Void Card: Well, to be truthful, I thought the one with the ofuda was your little boyfriend. My mistake. Len: You mistook an experienced onmyouji for a Chinese kid who can't be more than, what, sixteen? Syaoran: Mistaking her for me... That's a revolting thought. Madison: Come on, you two... Let's not get into arguments right away... Void Card: Either way, you're all stuck here until my revenge is complete. Sakura: Anno... Revenge? Void Card: I thought I'd give you an example of the angst and despair I feel. So I decided to show you this poorly translated manga script from "X". All: WHAT?! Void Card: Ta-ta! [All four reappear in four seat, front and center, in a mall theater, ordered thus, from left to right: Sakura, Syaoran, Madison, and Len.] Madison: If Void is worse than Kaysa, this will hurt. > X CHAPTER 1 : THE BEGINNING Syaoran: ...of the end. Len: Of *our* end, at any rate. > Translated by Tonghyun "Vajra" Kim > > Edited by Iain Sinclair Sakura: Hey! It's Serial Experiment Iain! Len: It's all fun and games until your room is full of tentacles. >NOTE: % indicates lines that are not spoken. Syaoran: They make up the greatest percentage of the story Madison: *sings* Don't speak... > $ indicates flashback lines Sakura: They were the most expensive lines >P2 >KOUSI - (1) A whistling arrow which was used to signal > the beginning of a battle in ancient China. Sakura: Syaoran: Funny, I don't remember Mother ever mentioning whistling arrows to me. Madison: BLOSSOM, O WHISTLING ARROW... Sakura: Really... > (2) The beginning of things. The start. The origin. Madison: The Genesis? Syaoran: Huh? Are we reading the Bible? Sakura: Yeah. The Bible according to the Department of Redundancy Department. >P3 >KAMUI >He is my prey. Len: Who is? A little information would be nice... Syaoran: Fresh meat! >P7 >KAMUI >It has been 6 years since I left Tokyo. Syaoran: And it's been destroyed about four times since I left. Len: He was too busy angsting to notice. Madison: Let's see... *looks at a piece of paper* Now, when was I supposed to destroy the tower? >P8-9 >KAMUI >I'm back, mother. Sakura: Dear GOD! Where have you been, young man?! I told you to come straight home after school! Syaoran: Uhh... My shortcut didn't work out as well as I had hoped. Madison: Whoah... School Ties flashbacks. >P12 >KOTORI >Oniichan! >[Oniichan = older brother] Sakura: Cue the fandom Japanese! Len: Nah... Fandom Japanese assumes the audience knows what the author's talking about. Syaoran: I think we've wandered into "Sister Princess" by accident. >KOTORI >Sorry for making you wait. Syaoran: Sorry for making *him* wait?! Who was gone for six years here? >P13 >KOTORI >Bye! Sakura: Sorry for making you wait. See ya! Len: Impatient little thing, isn't she? >FATHER >Please be careful on your way to school. Len:(Kotori) No, I'm going to go play in traffic. Syaoran: Watch out for snakes! >FUUMA >Bye. Sakura: Geez... That's my only line too. Someone call my agent. Madison: Fuuma's not the most talkative person in the world... well... not yet, anyhow. >WOMAN >Kotori-chan, Fuuma-chan. Are you on your way to school? Len:(Kotori) Nah, we're going to smoke weed in the field across the street from it. >KOTORI >Yes! Bye. Syaoran: I'm sensing a theme here. Len: Whatever gave you that idea? >P14 >FUUMA >Bye. Madison: Ciao. >WOMAN >Bye. Please be careful on your way to school. Sakura: THRILL as the say "GOOD-BYE"! Syaoran: INTENSE.... LEAVING... ACTION!! >KOTORI >Yes. Len: *desperately* NO! Syaoran: YES! >WOMAN >I'm so glad that both Fuuma-chan and Kotori-chan grew up to be such >nice kids. Sakura: Not like Kamui and that moody, broody bishonen thing he has going. Len: *edgily* Do not insult the bishounen around me. Madison: Honestly, I wouldn't if I were you... It's not a pretty picture. >WOMAN >Although Fuuma-chan always looks grim on the outside, he is kind at >heart. Last week he saved my child from drowning in the river. Syaoran: Is this the same woman or a different one? Madison: Yes. Syaoran: Oh, I see... Huh? >WOMAN >When I was ill, he carried me to hospital on his back. Len: I can't *wait* for Dark Kamui to show up. Madison: We are not going to go there again. Understand? Len: Yes'm... >WOMAN >And Kotori-chan always brings me flowers from the shrine. Sakura: And she can heal you just by touching you! And she turns water into wine! Madison: I once knew a guy who could do that... He was a real hit at parties. >P15 >WOMAN >Even though their mother died in.. that way, they grew up without >being affected by it... Sakura: Hey... This sounds vaguely familiar. Syaoran: If Kotori's mother had an incestuous lesbian cousin, I'm leaving. Len: No, but she was a lesbian, alright. Madison: CLAMP and the gay... What is with CLAMP and the gay? Sakura: Search me. >WOMAN >Their father did a marvelous job raising them all by >himself...except that Kotori-chan is delicate, just like her mother. Madison: So... It's her father's fault she's delicate like her mother? Sakura: Don't drop her. She'll break. >WOMAN >They are the pride of our town. Madison: I saw that performed once. Len:(whispers) I see dead people... >KOTORI >Well, Oniichan. Syaoran: GAH! Don't DO that! Sakura: If you wanted to talk about me, why didn't you wait until I left? Madison:(Kotori) *sneezes* I must be catching a cold... >KOTORI >I had a very pleasant dream last night. Len: Heh heh heh... >FUUMA >A dream? Sakura: Yeah. You know, images created by the sub-conscious, by-product of REM sleep. Dreams. Len: Ribs are the stuff dreams are made of. Which is to say, they're a by-product of REM sleep. Did I mention I'm really tired? >P16 >KOTORI >A dream of Kamui-chan. Len:(Kotori) ...and leather, and fuzzy handcuffs! >KOTORI >Kamui-Chan's coming back. Len: And coming out! Syaoran: God help us if CLAMP is on the yaoi path again. Madison: Kid, you are really asking for it. Syaoran: Tell you what, you take my place the next time someone writes *me* in a yaoi fic and see how *you* like it. Len: Don't mind if I do. >P17 >KOTORI'S FRIEND >Good morning, Kotori! Sakura: Another nameless extra, I see. Syaoran: Gooooood morning, Kotorrrriiii! >KOTORI >Good morning. Sakura and Syaoran: Good morning! Good moooorning! We talked the whole night through! Len: Yeah. Talked. That's the ticket. Sakura: That's none of your business. >KOTORI'S FRIEND >Good morning, Monou-sempai! Syaoran: First it's "Good Bye", now "Good Morning"... This story keeps getting stuck in loops. Sakura: Ohayo gozaiimassuuu!! Madison: She even makes Fuuma do his morning exercises. Syaoran: As long as she doesn't send him to the underwear store too. >FUUMA >Good morning. Len: Is this some kind of vicious cycle? >KOTORI >I know you have a club activity today. I can go home alone, so don't >worry about me. Syaoran: Ummmmm... Okay. Len: I'll be fine. It's not like Oniichan will go and turn out to have multiple personality disorder, tie me to a cross, and whack me apart with wires. I mean, come on. Sakura: And I thought my older brother was weird. >P18 >KOTORI'S FRIEND >Monou-sempai is cool as usual. Madison: Is he a smooth operator? >KOTORI'S FRIEND >For a high school junior, he's pretty reticent.. that's one of the >cool things about him. Syaoran: No one will be seated during the riveting "Describing The New Kid" scene. Len: But... they're talking about Fuuma. >KOTORI >Oniichan is not reticent. Sakura: "Reticent"? Isn't that something you put in breath mints? Syaoran: Kamui may be moody, broody and murderous, but his breath is always good. Madison: ...What Kamui? Unless you mean Dark Kamui, but he hasn't switched personalities, yet... >KOTORI >Although he don't speak much with his mouth, he always speaks with >his heart. Sakura: That's a neat trick. Len:(Meathook) I have a talking tattoo! >KOTORI >Just like other animals. Syaoran: Huh?! Len: He's an animal... Heh. >KOTORI'S FRIEND >We would have laughed if anybody else said that, but for some >reason, you make it sound convincing. Sakura: Good! Those acting lessons are paying off! Madison: Little did they know, every full moon, Kotori transformed into a brilliant orator. >KOTORI'S FRIEND >Well, Kotori is the friend of animals. Syaoran: Geez... When did Kotori become Princess Mononoke? Madison: Yes, but is she friend to all the children? Sakura: If I could walk with the animals... Talk with the animals... >P19 >KOTORI'S FRIEND >But as a fan of Monou-sempai, I can't forgive you for comparing him >with animals. Sakura: Now you must die. Len: Tragedy. >KOTORI'S FRIEND >Stop that. Syaoran: Is this friend talking to herself or something? I'm lost. Len: She has multiple personalities. >KOTORI'S FRIEND >Kotori's heart is delicate. What are you gonna do if she becomes >ill? Sakura: Take her to a doctor? Len: Lame horse. Shoot her. >KOTORI'S FRIEND >I'm sorry, Kotori. Madison:(Ritsu) I'm so sorryyyyyyyyy!!! I need to go commit suicide now! Syaoran: WOULD YOU STOP APOLOGIZING ALL THE TIME?! IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!! Sakura: You are *way* too good at that. >KOTORI >Don't worry. Although I'm delicate, I'm not going to have a stroke >over something like this. Syaoran: Something like WHAT?! What the hell are they talking about?! Len: That. Weren't you paying attention? Sakura: At least I probably won't explode in a bloody mess like Mom did. >KOTORI >And I'm in a very good mood today. Sakura: So I'll only break one of your arms. >KOTORI'S FRIEND >Why? Madison: Why not? >KOTORI >I had a very good dream. Sakura: It was warm and fuzzy and completely unlike most of the dreams and visions in X. Syaoran: Which is to say there were no scenes of Tokyo smashed into pieces like a cheap plate. >KOTORI >A dream that would made me real happy if it came true. Syaoran: But then we'd be in a Chrytalina Rhapsody Draco fic which would be even worse. Len: Or Sarewuh. Madison: A name to strike fear into the hearts of men. And women. >P20 >KAMUI >Cut that out right now, you bastards! Len: What, us? >KAMUI >Do you want to make me a tardy student from the first day at a new >school? Madison: It seems that's the least of your worries. >P24 >KAMUI >I'm sick of you keep coming after me like a horde of worms! Len: Um... what? Madison: I had not realized before now that worms are so tenacious. Syaoran: I'm not even dead yet, you lousy worms! Sakura: He's only *mostly* dead. Syaoran: I'm getting better. >KAMUI >You're nuisances! Madison: Look who's talking. ...I can't believe I just said that. Syaoran: I tried yelling that at my sisters once in hopes they'd leave me alone. Sakura: Did it work? Syaoran: They tied me up and dressed me in Sheifa's old clothes. Does that answer your question? Sakura: Awww... Poor Syao-kun... Should I kiss you and make it better? Syaoran: Ehh...?! >KAMUI >Get lost!! Syaoran: Who the *hell* is he talking to?! Len: The voices in his head, I'm guessing. >P26 >KAMUI >Shiki... >[Shiki, Shikigami = Magical creatures created by sorcerers using >special talismans to do their bidding. Their power and shape vary >wildly, depending on the power of their master.] Madison: Also, they taste like chicken. Syaoran: I aM ShiKi. I TaKE caRe oF tHe pLAce whiLe the MASter is aWay. >KAMUI >How rude of them to send mere shikis to deal with me. Syaoran: Really. No manners at all. >P27 >KAMUI >Go back and tell your master... Syaoran: The MASter wouLD NoT aPProVe. Madison: Do you suppose the Master would make Kamui one of his wives? Sakura: Thank you so much for *that* mental image. Len: *cheerily* You're welcome! >KAMUI >..."If you want to screw with me, be prepared for the worst." Syaoran: I'm very bad in bed. Sakura: Syaoran-kun... Madison: I would behoove her >P28 >SAIKI >He didn't even set up a Kekkai, and he used his powers unreservedly. >[Kekkai = Spiritual Barrier. Kekkai is used by priests and sorcerers >to protect themselves or a certain area from evil influences while >performing a ritual, by isolating the area with an invisible spiritual >barrier. In real life, this is nothing more than a symbolic gesture >but in many occult mangas, it acts as a form of magical barrier that >actually blocks physical/mental attacks, as well as thwarting intruders.] Madison: These definitions are going to get slightly annoying, I'm thinking. Syaoran: You know, this sort of thing was interesting in the "Rurouni Kenshin" manga, but could you *please* give us some narrative description instead? >SAIKI >Is he really 'Kamui'? Len: No, it's Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. Sakura: No. But he could play him on TV. Madison: No. It's just his stunt double. >ARASHI >It's our job to find that out. Sakura: TO THE BATMOBILE! Madison: Holy psuedo-religious symbolism, Batman! >TEACHER >My lecture on the next page will be covered in the test, so listen >carefully. Madison:(Teacher) Second Impact... I remember it well... Len:(Teacher) *sings* There's... antimonyarsenicaluminumselenium... >P30 >TEACHER >The transfer student is still not here... Madison: So... the fact that the transfer student's not here yet is going to be on the test? Len: He got lost... which is really not unusual. Syaoran: What is it with anime and transfer students anyway? You'd think Japan had a student shortage or something. Sakura: Syaoran-kun. *You* were a transfer student. Syaoran: Oh... Right. >TEACHER >He was supposed be here by Home Room period. Syaoran: Well, I guess I'll just make the whole class wait for him... Dum, de dum... Madison: He's late just to spite the teacher. >%KOTORI >%The dream I had this morning... The dream of Kamui-chan >%returning... Sakura: I'm standing on a high rise and there's a shadowed figure standing on the Tokyo Tower. Madison: That could be any number of characters, really. Particularly since this is CLAMP. Syaoran: Is this Kotori or Hitomi Kanzaki? >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan transferred when were in the 3rd grade. Len:(Kamui, ala Cartman) Screw you guys, I'm going home. >%KOTORI >%Gentle Kamui-chan. I can only remember his smiling face. Madison: Well, she's in for a shock. Sakura: That's putting it mildly. >P31 >%KOTORI >%But Kamui-chan in this morning's dream was different. Kamui-chan >%was always 9 years old in my memories. Syaoran: Whereas today he was about forty-five. Len: Or two. Take your pick. >%KOTORI >%But Kamui-chan in the dream I saw this morning was about my age. Madison: Then how did you know it was Kamui? >%KOTORI >%With the smile that hasn't been changed a bit since his childhood, >%Kamui-chan said "I'm back." Syaoran: Heeeeeeere's JOHNNY! >P32 >KOTORI >Kamui-chan! Syaoran: Miaka! Sakura: Tamahome! Syaoran: Miaka! Sakura: Tamahome! Syaoran: Miaka! Sakura: Tamahome! Syaoran: Miaka! Sakura: Tamahome! Len: Shut up! >P34 >KOTORI >Kamui-chan! Sakura: There's a lot of repetition in them thar text. >P36 >TEACHER >What's wrong, Monou? Sakura: Monou has mono! >TEACHER >Monou, is there anything wrong with you? Len: *opens mouth* Madison: Let's not go there and say we did, ne, Len? Syaoran: YOUR REPETITION IS BEGINNING TO ANNOY ME... >KOTORI >N..Nothing. I'm sorry. I must've been daydreaming. Sakura: Or tripping. I'm not sure which is which anymore. Madison: Duuuuuuuuude... the colors... >TEACHER >Ha ha ha. It's spring after all. Madison: What does that have to do with anything? Sakura: Ahhh... Spring. The grass is green, the birds sing, and random students start hallucinating. Len: *Those* mushrooms are in season, I see. >KOTORI'S FRIEND >Kotori's so funny. Syaoran: Ha! Ha! Ha! Tea! I need more tea! >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan...Did I mistake someone else for him? Len: Maybe it was Tsuzuki? Sakura: Well, all those angsty bishonen types do tend to look alike, you know. >P37 >%KOTORI >%I was so anxious to see him...my desperation must have >%made me see an illusion. Sakura: Be careful of those. Syaoran: Yeah. Don't let them trick you into walking off ledges and stuff. Sakura: Hey! >%KOTORI >%Although it was just an illusion, I still feel lucky. Len: Ew... The last thing I want to hear about is Kotori getting lucky. Syaoran: Better her than Kamui. Len: Speak for yourself, Bubby. >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan... Syaoran: There it goes *again*! Sakura: Kamui-chan... Kamui-chan... Kamui-chan... Kamui-chan... >P38 >COACH >You did it again, Monou! Madison: *takes big breath to sing* Len: Don't you dare! Syaoran: Yeah. Especially after "Crossroads". Madison: ...You watched "Crossroads"? >FUUMA >I'll get the ball. Sakura: Then the ball will be in *my* court! BWA-HA-HA! Syaoran: Any idea what sport they're supposed to be playing? >GOALKEEPER >I almost got killed! Len:(Coach, muttering) Shame, too... Syaoran: That'll teach you to bail out on the Maple Leafs, Curtis!! HA HA HA HA! >COACH >He is a good kid. But can he do something about his poker face? Sakura: It's too convincing. I can never tell when he's bluffing. >TEAMMATE >But his sister Kotori-chan is so cute... Sakura: She's so KAWAIIIII!!! I'll get her to wear this outfit and I'll get it all on tape! It'll be perfect! Madison: *blinks* >P38 >TEAMMATE (Otakuish looking) Len: *twitches* Madison: Ewwww... unwashed otaku guys... >My Kotori-chan! I'm so glad that you don't look like your brother! Len/Madison: *mentally picture that* Ewwwww... Sakura: This guy isn't much for compliments, is he? >TEAMMATE >'Your' Kotori-chan? Syaoran: That's right! And if you want her you'll have to duel me for her! Sakura: Wrong anime, dumbass. >TEAMMATE >Well, it doesn't cost a penny to say that. Syaoran: I'm cheap. Can you tell? Sakura: Well, a wink's as good as a nod to a blind horse. Madison: That. >TEAMMATE >It's almost impossible to find a delicate and pretty girl like her >these days. Sakura: Well, with the exception of that Rei Ayanami girl. But there are quite a few of her. Syaoran: And there's Mutsumi Otohime, who came and kidnapped our author. Not that he minded much. Len: And Madison. And Belldandy. Actually, they seem pretty common. >TEAMMATE >She's an endangered specie. Madison: *mechanical* Specie: (spee'shee) n. Coined money; coin. --Syn. See money. Sakura: Money that's endangered? Syaoran: Also known as the Canadian dollar. Sakura: Ouch! >TEAMMATE >Since Fuuma is always with her on her way to and from school, we >can't even say a word to her. Sakura: Fuuma keeps casting "Mute" spells on us if we get too close. Syaoran: Are there two teammates or this just one dope talking to himself again? >TEAMMATE >I really want to be friends with her. Sakura: After all... How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? Syaoran: Michael Bolton?! Madison: Why can't we be friends? >BACKGROUND >But you'll have face Fuuma, the dreaded demon lord! Len: No foreshadowing here. >P41 >FUUMA >Kamui...? Sakura: Chief...? Syaoran: McCloud! >P42 >FUUMA >Ka...Kamui... Syaoran: Geez... Now Fuuma is babbling too. Len:(Fuuma) I h-have a-a-a pr-problem w-with st-stu-stuttering... Madison: I WaNt tHIs onE. >P43 >TEACHER >You're finally here. Syaoran: Whoever you are. Len: Who am I? What am I? Do I really exist? Do any of us...? >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan!? Sakura: I thought you were Dale! >TEACHER >Let me introduce the transfer student who was late from day one. Len: Kind, isn't he/she/it? >AIR HEADS >Kya! He's unbelievable! He's so cute! Syaoran: ARGHHHHH!! Reference to a crappy Adam Sandler movie!! Sakura: There are ones that aren't? >AIR HEADS >No, you should call him ultra-handsome! Madison: ...Are we talking about the same Kamui? Len: Pretty? Yes. Handsome? I think not. >AIR HEADS >He's so pretty! Syaoran: Whoa! I didn't know Sandler swung that way. Sakura: Is this a bunch of people singing in chorus or what? Help us out here. >P43 >TEACHER >His name is... Sakura: Don't help me. I'll figure it out. Madison: Oh, I see! This is the part where you can keep the name of the character or pick a new one. Len: So... We've entered a SquareEnix game? >TEACHER >His name is Shirow Kamui. Syaoran: Any relation to Shirow Masamune? >TEACHER >Everyone, please make him feel welcome. Sakura: At least until his angsty, broody nature repulses you. Madison: Oh, he got better after Fuuma ripped his spine out in the eighth volume. >P44 >%KOTORI >%He's Kamui-chan. He's Kamui-chan for sure. Len: Well, considering the name's reserved, how many other Kamui do you know? Madison: Her brother. Len: Well, she doesn't know that. >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan's back. Syaoran: And this time it's PERSONAL! >TEACHER >His seat will be... Sakura: There's a seat next to Li-kun. Syaoran: There's a seat behind Sakura-chan. Sakura: There's a seat behind Tomoyo-chan. >TEACHER >Isn't the seat next to Monou Kotori's empty? Madison:(Teacher) Is that blood on your hands, Monou? Len:(Kotori) No, sir... *hides hands* >KOTORI >Y...Yes! Madison: She seems to have problems getting her words out... >BOYS >He's so lucky to sit next to Kotori-chan. Sakura: Kotori-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! >KOTORI >Kamu... Len: *pulls out Japanese-English dictionary* To bite; to chew; to gnaw. Syaoran: This story bites all right. >TEACHER >Then we'll go back to what we were talking about before. Madison:(Teacher) ...But I forgot what that was. Class dismissed. >P46 >%KOTORI >%It was a prophetic dream. Len: Can you say you say "yumemi", boys and girls? Sakura and Syaoran: Whoa! Deja Vu! Madison: Like the *wolf*. Syaoran: Huh? Sakura: I don't think she meant you, dear. >$KAMUI >$I really like Kotori-chan. Madison: I will hug her and squeeze her and name her George! >$ >$KOTORI >$I like you, too, Kamui-chan. Sakura: I like you, Kamui. I'll kill you last. >$ >$KAMUI >$I'm glad. Then when I become an adult, I'll be your bride. >$ Len: We're happy for you, Kamui. Sakura: But... girls can't be other girls' brides. >$KOTORI >$Bride? Len: Whoah... I didn't realize he was *that* feminine. Madison: Maybe he really is a girl! Syaoran: What kind of wuss wants to wear a dress? Sakura: Careful there, Syaoran-kun. Syaoran: That was for a play! Len: Riiiiiiight... Syaoran: It was dammit! Now back off! >P47 >$KAMUI >$That's right. I saw on TV that It's happiest for one to marry the >$one he likes, becoming her 'bride'. >$ Sakura: Anyone else here wondering what the hell Kamui was watching? Len: It's CLAMP. That fact alone speaks for itself. Syaoran: The only Bride that resembles Kamui is the one Uma Thurman played in "Kill Bill". >$%FUUMA >$%Well, I don't think he got that right. >$ Len: What gave you that idea? Sakura: Careful, Fuuma, or I may have to chop off your head. Syaoran: Yeah. Like that'll ever happen. Pfft. >$KAMUI >$Fuuma, do you mind if I become the 'bride' of Kotori-chan? Syaoran: Well, I wonder who will wear the pants in *this* relationship. Sakura: Boris Karloff in the horror classic, "Bride of Kotori-chan"! Madison: Does this mean Kamui will be wearing the dress? >$ >$FUUMA >$I think you're qualified. Len:(Fuuma) I'm fairly sure you're a girl, for one thing. >$ >$FUUMA >$But you have to make a promise, Kamui. Sakura: They say that if too people who are in love go to Tokyo University together... Syaoran: Stop that train of thought *right* THERE!! Madison: Speaking of mental images nobody really needed... Len: No... No character crossovers... >P48 >$FUUMA >$Don't you dare make Kotori cry, no matter what. >$ Sakura: What is she? Soun Tendo? Len: Wanna see my demon head? Madison: Ewwwwwww... Len! Len: I am going to Hell, aren't I? >$FUUMA >$Kotori is my dear sister. I won't forgive you if you make her cry. Syaoran: That's my job. Len: Like my cousin and I. I make him cry, he runs off and tells his twin sister or his big, scary boyfriend. >$ >$KAMUI >$I promise, Fuuma. >$ >$KAMUI >$I'll never make Kotori cry. Sakura: ...most of the time. Len: ...unless she deserves it. >$ >$KAMUI >$I promise. Syaoran: Oh, and promise you'll never let anyone chop off my head. Sakura: I promise. Syaoran: And promise you'll never become a moody, broody angst filled sociopath. Sakura: I promise. Syaoran: And promise you'll never blow up random pieces of Tokyo. Sakura: I promise. >P49 >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan, it was you who I saw a moment ago. Madison: Actually, it was his evil twin. Wait, nevermind. Len: You keep forgetting this character really has one. Sort of. >%KOTORI >%You look exactly like what I saw in that dream. Syaoran: Right down to the big clown shoes and funny nose. >%KOTORI >%I'm so glad.... Madison: I feel happy! I feel happy! Sakura: Well, that makes *one* character. > >%KOTORI >%...that you came back. Sakura: I haven't found any other boys who will talk to me. Syaoran: Kotori? I doubt that. Len: Well, she is a bit of a birdbrain. *rimshot* >TEACHER >Then I'll finish the lecture at this point. We'll have a test next >class. So be prepared for it! Syaoran: Ranma Saotome! Prepare to DIE!! Len:(Matthew Hostetler) Not that I'd warn you of any tests. Because all my quizzes are pop quizzes... >STUDENT >Rise! Len: Stand and deliver! Sakura: You too, Asuka. Syaoran: Come forth, cowardly lion! >STUDENT >Bow! Syaoran: BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! I AM YOUR MASTER! I... AM... *GOR*!! P50 >KOTORI >Kamui-cha... Syaoran: Something's missing from that line. Sakura: Someone must've smacked Kotori to keep her from repeating it... again! Madison: Or maybe she just meant to call him Kamui-tea. Syaoran: Tea Gardener-sama? Where? Len: *Anzu*. Sakura: Whatever. >AIR HEADS >Say, where did you come from? Sakura: From your loins, mommy! Syaoran: Don't *do* that! >AIR HEADS >Shirou Kamui is such a cool name! All: By the way, how do you like our impression of a Greek chorus? >AIR HEADS >What's your hobby? Sakura: Angelic Layer maybe? Duel Monsters? Pokemon? Len: He raises prize-winning tropical fish. >AIR HEADS >What's your specialty? Syaoran: Acting moody and broody along with occasional severe property damage, you? >AIR HEADS >What kind of food do you like? Sakura: The blood of my vanquished foes!! BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!! Madison: Vlad Dracul cameos. Len: I needed the money! >AIR HEADS >Excuse... Len: Everybody has one. >AIR HEADS >What was that? Madison: Cthulhu? Len: Everyone asks me that when I wear this hat. >AIR HEADS >I was shocked. Sakura: Pikachu in a special cameo. >AIR HEADS >Maybe he is too shy. Syaoran: Or too moody and angsty. Take your pick. Len: Well, who isn't, in this manga? Syaoran: Point taken. >P51 >KOTORI >Wait! Syaoran: I haven't told you about these fine leather jackets I'm selling! >KOTORI >Please wait! Sakura: C'mon! Wait up! Madison: She's coming for me... Must escape...! >KOTORI >Kamui-chan! Sakura: Kamui-chaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! Syaoran: Please stop that... >P52 >KOTORI >You're Kamui-chan, right? Syaoran: No. He's Ensign Throwaway! Len: No! I'm just Kamui! I'm gone six years and she still doesn't remember a word I tell her. >KOTORI >I'm Kotori of the Togakushi (= hiding a sword) Shrine. Sakura: Head of the kendo club! The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! Syaoran: Cue the dramatic lightning. >KOTORI >Kamui-chan! Sakura: Kamui-chaaaaaaaaannnn!!! Syaoran: Hoo, boy... Madison: She's skipping like the manga. >P53 >KAMUI >Don't get involved with me. Len: At this point in the game, who'd want to? >KOTORI >Eh? Madison: What's this all aboot? Sakura: By the way, did I mention that our author is Canadian? Len: That's okay. She deserved it. >KAMUI >Don't ever talk to me again. Syaoran: I'm an even worse conversationalist than a lover. Sakura: That wasn't nice. Len: It's true. >KAMUI >Things have changed in 6 years. Syaoran: Thank you, Mr. Obvious. Sakura: Also, the sky is blue. >P54 >KOTORI >Kamui-chan... Len: What's that, Kotori? You want me to steal Uzuki's go board and hit you with it? Sakura: Better play it safe and use a two by four instead. >KOTORI >I'm sorry... Sakura: Auuuu!! I'm sorry, sempai! Madison:(Young Subaru) I'm sorry! *bows* I'm sorry! *bows* I'm sorry! *bows* >KOTORI >You're right. Six years have past since then... Syaoran: Yes, for those of you who missed it, it's been six years. Len: Which gives a three-year leeway, meaning Kamui was six during Tokyo Babylon. Madison: That is quite possibly the most random piece of information you've ever given us. >P55 >KOTORI >Sorry for bothering you. Sakura: Bite me, you little... >%KOTORI >%My heart hurts. It's so painful. Sakura: Mexican lunch... coming back... to haunt me... Madison: Make... the hurting... stop. >P56 >%KOTORI >%But I know this has nothing to do with a stroke. Syaoran: I didn't know Kotori played golf. Sakura: FORE!! Len: *holds head* ARGH! Watch where you're aiming! >$KAMUI >$I like you, Kotori-chan. Sakura: That's nice, but could you please take your hands off my ass? Syaoran: Ick! >%KOTORI >%My heart hurts because... Sakura: ...THIS DAMN STORY KEEPS REPEATING THE SAME DAMN LINES OVER AND OVER AGAIN!! Madison: ...I haven't taken my 'painkillers'. Hee. Hee. >P57 >KOTORI >...Kamui-chan... Syaoran: How long are you going to call me 'chan' anyway? Sakura: For the rest of your life, of course. Syaoran: Nani?! >P58 >KAMUI >Stop spying on me! All: GAH!! Sakura: How did he know we were here?! Len: He's using his psycho powers! >P60 >KAMUI >Shit. Syaoran: Happens. >KAMUI >I missed it. Sakura: Arghhh! Look at the time! I missed all my favorite soaps! >KAMUI >She only sent her 'eyes'. Madison: Wouldn't that hurt? Len: What did she do, throw them at you? >KAMUI >To dodge my power, she must be a high-level spell caster. Syaoran: Lina Inverse was getting paid handsomely to finish Kamui off. Sakura: FIRE-BAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!! Madison: It'd take at least a Dragon Slave to take out homo-otoko, there. Not that Lina's complaining, I'm sure. >KAMUI >To receive such a warm reception as soon as I came to Tokyo... Syaoran: Turning that flamethrower on me was a tad much though. >P61 >KAMUI >Mother, I'm back. Sakura: OH NO! It's starting over again!! Len: I'm tempted to keep a tally on how many times certain lines are repeated. >KAMUI >I'm back to Tokyo where you had to flee from 6 years ago, with me. Syaoran: Why is he talking? There's no one else around. Sakura: Oh, just providing some plot exposition is all. Madison: ...I can see it all, now... Len: Please don't let him flashback... >P63 >TWINS [SOUHI & HIEN - the lady with lighter hair color is Souhi] >Princess! Sakura and Syaoran: Pooky! >P64 >HINOTO >I'm alright. Sakura: Just go to the liquor cabinet and bring me my *medicine*. >HINOTO >He reflected back my spell of clairvoyance. Syaoran: Or maybe I accidentally looked into a mirror... Whatever. Madison: Well, it wouldn't really make much difference, her being blind and all... >TWINS >I can't believe someone actually reflected back your spell... Syaoran: I wonder if they're Geminis. Sakura: Miki and Kozue Kaoru in a special cameo. >HINOTO >The Darkness...is near him. Syaoran: Wow! Now *that* was a dramatic line. Sakura: INTENSE... PORTENTIOUS... DIALOGUE!! Len:(Darth Hinoto) Kamui... I am your father! Mother. Scary, princess-esque, future-seeing lady. Whatever. Syaoran: I *am* the darkness. >P65 >SOUHI >They're!? Sakura: Ummm... Okay. Syaoran: Someone seems awfully uppity. Madison: They're what? Len: Oh, nothing in particular... I was just saying. >HIEN >I didn't know they already made their move.... Syaoran: They have us in check. Madison: Does this mean we have to move Kamui? >P66 >HINOTO >Kamui... Sakura: Mulder... Syaoran: Scully... >P69 >HINOTO >The one with the key to the future of this world.... Sakura: For the revolution of the world! Len: If you want to make an omelet, you've got to break some world's shells. >P71 >%KOTORI >%Where am I? Sakura: Hell. Syaoran: Or the reasonable facsimile of it that is this story. Madison: I'm floating prone above a bed, with a teddy bear and a weird cat nearby, and there's a woman's voice... >P72 >%KOTORI >%Where am I going? Syaoran: Where am I? Who am I? What am I looking for? Madison: What is my name? What is my quest? What is my favourite colour? Sakura: And most importantly, what are her turn ons? ^_^ Syaoran: Oi... All the authors in the world and we get stuck with a hentai fanboy. Madison: If he compares to Nate-sensei, I'll be impressed. >P73 >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan. Syaoran: Is she getting paid every time she says that or what? >% >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan, you're smiling for me. Len: Honey, that's a psychotic grin. Syaoran: Ah, heh-heh-heh... Mwa heheh... BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! >% >%KOTORI >%Just like you used to. Sakura: Just like mother used to make! Madison: ...Before I removed your face. >P74 >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan. Syaoran: ARGHHHH!! Is this a story or a mobius strip?! Len: I'm leaning towards the latter, at this point. >P75 >%KOTORI >%Ball? A ball? Len: It's Kamui's. Madison: Where've you been? Kamui has no balls. Syaoran: Ouch! >% >%KOTORI >%Round. It's round. Syaoran: Well, it's a ball. What did you expect? Madison: So is a pizza. >P76-77 >%KOTORI >%That's Earth? Madison: No, it's Discworld. Len: I'd like to think there's a bigger difference than there is... >P79 >%KOTORI >%The Earth is cracking? Len: And now, back to your regularly scheduled visions. Madison: As opposed to "on crack." >P80 >%KOTORI >%It's being destroyed... Sakura: Please Save My Earth!! Syaoran: Cute... Madison: If I don't have Tokyo Tower, I'll die! Len: Get in line. >P81 >VOICE >Ko-to-ri...Ko-to-ri... Len: Teiko-sensei's Japanese 101 all over again... Sakura: Ko-to-ri... Ko-to-ri... Rah! Rah! Rah! >P82 >FUUMA >Kotori. Len: Bob the Emu? You're real? >KOTORI >Onii...chan? Madison: Kanji would help. You wouldn't know if she was referring to her brother or extending the word for "demon". Len: Or both. Syaoran: Which would be ironically appropriate. >TOKIKO >You regained your consciousness. Let me see. Sakura: No! It's my consciousness! MINE, I TELL YOU!! MINE!!! Len: Geez, I just wanted to look... Tetchy. >P83 >TOKIKO (Medical Room Teacher) >Looks like you're OK now. Madison: I'm reminded of Final Fantasy VIII right now. Len: Have you and Seifer been fighting again? Syaoran: Whatever... Sakura: Booyaka! >KOTORI >I... Madison: ...'m a diesel locomotive! Woo, woo! Len: I give up. >TOKIKO >You collapsed at the stairway to the rooftop Syaoran: Kotori's become Mutsumi Otohime! Sakura: Ara, Ara! >TOKIKO >It could've been real bad if you hadn't been found and treated so >quickly. You should be more careful in the future, Monou-san. Len: I bow to your every whim, oh mistress Tokiko. >KOTORI >I'm sorry. Madison: She's just faking to curry favor with the cute nurse. >TOKIKO >You can go home now. Sakura: But they always told me I couldn't go home again. >KOTORI >How about the classes...? Madison: Think they'll win the Superbowl? >TOKIKO >They're all over. You must be happy that you were able to skip them. Len: I just collapsed on a stairway and had a frightening and prophetic dream. I'm just bursting with happiness. >P84 >TOKIKO >Then Oniichan, please take sister back home, and drive more >carefully than usual. Syaoran: Fuuma must be a student of the Haruka Tenou Driving School. Madison: Or the same of Haruhara Haruko... >FUUMA >Thank you. Sakura: You want me to collapse in shame now? Am I your punching bag? Madison: Yes, as a matter of fact. Now beg, male worm. Len: Madison... She's a nurse, not a Matron Mother. >TOKIKO >Then hurry. I can't work with someone as big as you standing on the >way. Sakura: HEY!! Are you calling me FAT?! Len: Dub Lina returns. >KOTORI >I'm sorry for troubling you. Len: Can you ever possibly forgive such a terrible sin?! >TOKIKO >You're OK, since you're small and cute. Syaoran: So now you're hitting on my sister, huh? Why I oughta... >[He's the one who's big and NOT cute. ] Syaoran: Is that supposed to be ironic? Sakura: It's like raaaain on your wedding daaaay... >KOTORI >Excuse me... Len: But I didn't smell anything! ...Kill me, please. Madison: No way. If we have to suffer, so do you. >TOKIKO >What is it? Madison: I'll give you a hint. It's green and furry, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you. >P85 >KOTORI >Who took me to the medical room? Len: This... person... of some gender. Syaoran: Or none. Like Akizuki-san. Sakura: Ooooh... Tasty bishonen feasts... >TOKIKO >It was a boy whose face is not familiar to me. Syaoran: I was more concerned about the fact that he had his hand up your skirt. Sakura: Syaoran-kun... >TOKIKO >He was small and had a pretty face. Len: I have no *idea* who that could possibly be... Sakura: He also had lovely hair. Syaoran: I have lovely everything! >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan? Len: Kotori? Madison: FUUMAAAAAA! Sakura: Chief? Syaoran: McCloud! >$KAMUI >$Don't get involved with me. Madison: But I want to hug you and squeeze you and name you George! >$ >$KAMUI >$Don't ever talk to me again. Len: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. >$ >$KAMUI >$Things have changed in 6 years. Madison: I have a bad feeling about these lines. >P86 >%KOTORI >%I'm so foolish. Len: Yes. Yes, you are. >%KOTORI >%It can't be Kamui-chan. Madison: I'm sure loads of feminine boys have unnaturally violet eyes. Sakura: Or in Kamui's case, "violent" eyes. >TOKIKO >It'll get dark any moment. Please be careful on your way back home. Syaoran: As if "X" wasn't already dark enough. Len: The official sound effect for X: "SKRRCH!!" >KOTORI >Thank you so much for everything. Sakura: Thank you for playing! >P87 >TOKIKO >You finally came back...Kamui. Madison: Where does everyone's information come from? It's like they all have a copy of "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About The Apocalypse." Sakura: Eh... It's the principle that everyone knows but isn't telling. Kind of like how some characters in "Chobits" know who Chii is, but don't tell. Syaoran: Or in "Angelic Layer" with the mysterious woman in the wheelchair. Or God alone knows how many people *we* know. Sakura: Basically, it's par for the course in CLAMP stuff. Syaoran: We should know. Len: The fact that it's normal doesn't make it any less nonsensical. >P88 >$KAMUI >$Don't get involved with me. Madison: You don't have to ask, dear heart. >$ >$KAMUI >$Don't ever talk to me again. Madison: I was right... here we go again... Syaoran: And so the story has come full circle, getting smaller and smaller until it finally disappears down the literary drain. >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan, what happened to you? Syaoran: He fell into shadow and despair, drowning in a pool of angst and sorrow 'till naught but a lifeless shell remained. Madison: You know, like Subaru. Len: Tell me about it. >%KOTORI >%What happened to Kamui-chan during 6 years he was away from >%Tokyo? Syaoran: I just explained that! Weren't you listening?! >FUUMA >Today, at the school grounds... Sakura: Oh no! Not another flashback! Syaoran: Stuff happened. The End. >P89 >FUUMA >I met Kamui. Sakura: Yeah. Sure. What-EVER! >FUUMA >Kotori's dream came true again. Len: Your dreams CAN come true! Syaoran: This is "X", so no, they can't. Madison: Unless you count Fuuma's granting of people's Wishes... which is dubious at best. >$KAMUI >$Things have changed in 6 years. Len: Seriously, manga, don't make me use this. Syaoran: Damn straight. >KOTORI >Yes. Sakura and Syaoran: Haaaaiiii!! >KOTORI >The only thing that really came true is that Kamui-chan came back... Sakura: Kamui came back, the very next day! Len: We thought he was a goner. No such luck. >P90 >FUUMA >Kotori? > >KOTORI >It's nothing. Sakura: It's just I've been having morning sickness lately and I'm not sure which of my one night stands might have caused it. >KOTORI >It's my turn to make dinner, right? I'll make your favorite, steamed >rice with edible wild plants. Syaoran: Edible wild plants...? Sounds... um... yummy. Madison: Look at these wild mushrooms I found! They look kind of blue, but I'm sure they're fine! >FUUMA >I'll do it for you. Sakura: Everything I do... I do it for yooooouuuu... >KOTORI >No thanks. I'm fine. Syaoran: FINE?! No one is fine! Hair is fine! How's your hair? FINE! >KOTORI >Please drop by at the supermarket on the way. Len: But supermarkets make me break out in hives. >P91 >KAMUI >Nothing has changed during the past 6 years... Len: That's all we need. Characters going back on their words... Syaoran: MAKE UP YOUR MIND, YOU TWIT! >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$Welcome back, Kamui. Sakura: Welcome home! Welcome back! Welcome to your humble shack! >%KAMUI >%Mother. Sakura: Kamui? Who's that girl, Kamui! Who is she?! >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$Kamui, please be strong. Sakura: Or at least stronger than me, since I'm dead. >P92 >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$To survive, to live... >$ Sakura: At least longer than I did. I'm dead, you know. Len: Could there be a theme, here? >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$Please be strong. >$ Madison: Define "strong". >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$You must live no matter what. >$ Syaoran: Awww... But I wanted to die an excruciating death just now! Len: Well, he is rather masochistic at times... >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$Until 1999... Syaoran: So, I guess it's okay to kill him now? Madison: Yup! >P93 >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$Until the promised day in 1999. Sakura: Until the promised day *what*?! Len: You have to, like... do stuff. For some reason. Madison: Care to be any more obscure? Len: What do you want? I'm dead! >P94 >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$Ka..Mu..I.. Madison:(Tohru) Must... do... William Shatner... impression... >$ >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$Please go to Tokyo. Len:(Tohru) I mean, if you want. You know, if you get around to it. >P95 >$KAMUI'S MOTHER >$Your destiny.. awaits you. Syaoran: It is your destiny. Madison: Wonderfully vague, isn't she? Len: And it'll await you no matter how many hours, days, weeks, eons you spend here. Thank you, cause/effect barrier! >P96 >$KAMUI >$Mother!! Sakura: STELLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! >P97 >KAMUI >I came back, Mother. Syaoran: I finally got that pizza you sent me to get. It's been six years, so it's a tad cold. Madison: And green, but I'm sure it's still okay. >KAMUI >I came back to Tokyo, following your last words. Syaoran:"Get your lazy ass to Tokyo, you useless twit". >KAMUI >To kill you bastards! Madison: Did Tohru say anything about killing anybody, guys? Syaoran: Not that I noticed. Len: Maybe she inferred it. God alone knows how... Sakura: I figure that if I kill you, that'll just about make us square. >KAMUI >What a day. I've been tracked on my way to and from school. Syaoran: Maybe I should have taken a different route when I left school?...Nah. Madison: That would make too much sense for X. >SAIKI >Can't you even conceal your hostile aura? Sakura: And for God's sake, man! Zip up your fly! Syaoran: Bleah... >SAIKI >You used your power without any reservation in the battle this >morning, without even setting up a kekkai. Madison: Yeah, well, you suck. I rule you. >P98 >SAIKI >Are you really THE Kamui? Syaoran: No. I am the guardian of the hell. Sakura: No. I'm Frank Sinatra. Who the hell are you? Madison: No. I'm just a Kamui. >KAMUI >Stop talking bullshit. Let's get to the point. Len: Messiah-chan has such a cultured, delicate vocabulary. Syaoran: Yo! Shut the *&$# up, you miserable *&%$#!$, before I pop a cap in yo &$$! Madison:If you think I'm not a model child on my best behavior, you should see what a mean little #^@$&% I can really be. >KAMUI >I'm not in a good mood today. Syaoran: Or any day. Len: Oh, he just needs to get laid. >P99 >SAIKI >You really are an impatient fellow. Sakura: Interrupting during tea and crumpets. How rude. >SAIKI >Are you really THE Kamui? Syaoran: FOR GOD'S SAKE QUIT REPEATING YOURSELVES!! Len:*uncovers her ears* ...Ow. >KAMUI >Shut up! Syaoran: And for one brief shining moment, I admire him. >KAMUI >I'm Kamui alright! Madison: Alrighty-tighty! Syaoran: What are you on? Len: We've been trying to figure that out for a long, *long* time. For the most part she's normal. Then she does stuff like that. Madison: You are all just damned mortals. >P100 >SAIKI >Wait! If we fight without setting up a kekkai, we'll damage the >surroundings. Madison: That sounds like a personal problem. >%SAIKI >%Shoot! If we keep on fighting like this, ordinary people will get >%drawn into the battle. Syaoran: Wow! Gruesome carnage! I want in! >KAMUI >Wait! Sakura; Oh, I'm sorry. Is my dodging and evasion bothering you? Well then I'll just stand here and let you blow me up. Dum de dum... >KAMUI >You're going nowhere! Syaoran: If I can't massacre civilians, what's the point?! Madison: It's my job. Homo-otoko doesn't have an excuse. >%SAIKI >%I gotta take him to the place where nobody's around. Len: Please don't go all Dark Kamui on me, here. >P102 >%SAIKI >%Good. Come after me. Len: *opens her mouth* Madison: No. Len: Awww... >% >%SAIKI >%Kamui...!! Madison: He's Kamui-baiting. >P103 >%SAIKI >%That looks like a good place. Syaoran: Welcome to our final battle! Or so I'd like to say, but that would be rather silly. >KAMUI >You bastard, leaping like a grasshopper. Madison: Is he full of protein, like a grasshopper? Len: He'd have to eat him to find out. Syaoran: Bleah... Sakura: You learn fast, grasshopper. >SAIKI >I'm amazed... Syaoran: You're even dumber than I thought! Madison: Is that possible? Len: Do you suddenly hate me, or something, Madison? >P104 >SAIKI >Have you ever thought about the safety of ordinary people? Sakura: Huh? Oh, the massive property damage... Duh! Len: This is CLAMP. There's no such thing as ordinary. Sakura and Syaoran: Tell us about it! >KAMUI >I only think about myself. Syaoran: Why doesn't that surprise me? Madison: He's lying to cover up for his insecurities. >P108 >%SAIKI >%What incredible power... Sakura: That's INCREDIBLE! >KAMUI >Hmm...you're still alive. Syaoran: I'm getting better! >KAMUI >You're tough, as expected. You're not like those paper dolls (shiki) >at all. Sakura: Weren't those the things Zeniba used against Haku in "Spirited Away"? Len: Yup. They're used in onmyoudou. >P109 >SAIKI >I'm not done yet! Sakura: He's only *mostly* done. Syaoran: I'm getting better. Madison: I like my minor characters well done. >%KAMUI >%Kamaitachi!? Sakura: Huh? Wasn't that the cross-dresser guy from "Rurouni Kenshin"? Syaoran: Oh my! What a bunch of useless good-for-nothings. Madison: Which reminds me of Hakkai for some reason. >[Kamaitachi; a legendary monster portrayed as a weasel with sickles >instead of claws. Now Kamaitachi means a cut from vacuum created by >whirlwind or similar phenomenon.] Syaoran: Why do I feel like I've wandered into an episode of Pokemon? Len: Kamaitachi! I choose you! Sakura: Now I know it's the guy from "Rurouni Kenshin"! He used a giant scythe, remember? Syaoran: I'm going to cut off your head and give it to Lady Hinoto as a present! >%KAMUI >%Is he a wind master? Sakura: I *am* the wind master! Syaoran: He sure *blows* all right. Madison: That would explain the interest in Kamui. >P110 >SAIKI >A selfish bastard like you can't be THE Kamui! Len: You wound me deeply with your cruel words. Syaoran: I'd rather wound you with a machete Madison: Or Kamaitachi. *snickers* >P111 >SAIKI >What a joke. You claim yourself to be the real Kamui, with that kind >of pathetic power? Syaoran: Vat girly power. We need to PUMP... YOU... UP! >P112 >SAIKI >It seems that her dream was wrong after all. Sakura: Dream? Whose dream? Kotori's? Len: Hinoto's? Madison: Tenshi's? Len: Good lord, no. I'm not going anywhere *near* that &*!@#, anymore. >P113 >KAMUI >I'm sick and tired of... Madison: ...Being sick and tired. >%SAIKI >%It can't be... Syaoran: I killed you! I kiiiiilllled yoooooooooou!! Len: You and everyone else, bouya. Syaoran: You didn't really think it would be that easy, did you? Sakura: For a moment there... Yeah. I kinda did. Syaoran: Silly rabbit... Tricks are for kids. Sakura: Ladies and gentlemen! The "Kill Bill" sketch! >KAMUI >...hearing your crap. Sakura: Yeah... Like *you're* a real master of witty, dialogue. Syaoran: And in the afterlife remember, shop smart. Shop S-Mart... Madison: Which begs the question: does crap have a sound? >P114 >KAMUI >I'll settle this for once and all. Follow me! Sakura: Follow me wherever I may go! Len: I don't like this game anymore! >P115 >SAIKI >Kamuiiiiii!!!! Syaoran: STELLLLAAAAAAAAAAA!!! >P116 >SAIKI >Take this! Syaoran: WONDERTWIN POWERS ACTIVATE!! Sakura: Pain... >P119 >%KAMUI >%Wait a minute. Madison: Hold it RIGHT THERE. I have to get a photo. >P120 >KAMUI >Who the hell are you? Sakura: Are you one of the beings that we call the angels? >ARASHI >The outcome of the battle has already been determined. Sakura: Oh! It's professional wrestling! Syaoran: Either that or Marcellus Wallace has rigged the apocalypse. Madison: So even minor scuffles are foreordained, here? Len: Destiny's really got it together, here. >KAMUI >Don't put your hands on my prey. Syaoran: You'll get finger smudges all over it. >ARASHI >I have no intention to fight with you. Sakura: At least not until you shower. Whew! >P121 >KAMUI >He attacked me first! I have to settle this! Syaoran: I'm not wasting a perfect self-defense plea on mere assault. >P122 >KAMUI >A sword popped out from her palm...!? Sakura: That must sting. Syaoran: I keep asking Arashi to teach me that trick. Madison: Well, are you one of the Four Horsemen, like Arashi? Sakura: Well, onii-chan seems to think so. I don't know why. Syaoran: Yeah... Wonder where he got that idea... >P126 >KAMUI >Wait! Syaoran: Before you leave I wanted to give you this teddy bear! Sakura: Sounds familiar... >ARASHI >We'll be meeting again soon. Sakura: The series has just started so we'll be seeing a *lot* of each other. Syaoran: I don't know... Considering the brevity of some CLAMP series... Madison: And the still won't make an anime for Wish! >P127 >KAMUI >You bitch... Syaoran: Watch what you say about Arashi, angst boy... Madison: When Fanboys Attack. >P128 >HIEN/SOUHI >Saiki-dono! Syaoran: Kaoru-donno! >[Dono = an honorific suffix. Similar to -sama. ] Sakura: You too can learn Japanese in two easy fanfics. Syaoran: You know, I think this just goes to show that without cool art or animation or neat ominous music, the dialogue in X is kinda bland. Len: *jerks awake* What?! Oh. Nothing's happened yet. >HIEN/SOUHI >Who could have hurt a man as powerful as Saiki-dono this badly? Sakura: Actually, he got drunk and fell into the mulcher again. >ARASHI >Kamui.... Syaoran: I learned that from Kotori. How did it sound? Len/Madison: *hold up signs that read, respectively, 2.9 and 9.2* >P29 >HIEN/SOUHI >'Kamui'!? Sakura: He's not really Kamui, but he plays him on TV. >HIEN/SOUHI >But 'Kamui' is our... Syaoran: Do they always talk in unison like that? Len: Ah... twin stereotypes. >HINOTO >Arashi-dono... Madison: Arashi? Len: Don't know. >ARASHI >Yes. Syaoran: YES! >P130 >HINOTO >What did you think about 'Kamui'? Syaoran: Errrr... He has a nice personality. Sakura: That bad, huh? Syaoran: Actually, I was being nice. His personality's not that good either. >ARASHI >His tremendous power...He must be 'Kamui. Sakura: Or maybe it's just Dios trying to impress chicks again. Who knows? Madison: *matter-of-fact* The Shadow knows. >ARASHI >However.... Len: ...I hear he makes a mean coffee cake. >HINOTO >I know. Sakura: Oh, are you Han Solo now? Len: I am the great Hinoto. I see all and know all. >HINOTO >'Kamui' is not fully awaken yet. Syaoran: Dialogue is not fully coherent yet. >P131 >SAIKI >He can't be 'Kamui'. Sakura: He didn't know the password. Syaoran: So what is the password? Sakura: Ah, you know a fool me. But I give you a hint. It's a kind of a fish. >HIEN >Saiki-dono, have you regained your consciousness? Len: Gee, Hien, I don't know. >SAIKI >It's true that he possesses an incredible power but... Syaoran: ..no brains. Madison: Mayuko, you left out the intelligence gene. Len: Well, I had to edit something out. Madison: Sure. Leave in the jerk gene. Leave in the bishounen gene. Take out the intelligence gene. What kind of geneticist are you? Len: A blue one! >SAIKI >...a man who won't hesitate to destroy people's houses and hurt >ordinary people can't be the real Kamui! Madison: I see someone doesn't know about the whole Twin Star thing. Sakura: Destruction! >P132 >HIEN >Are you trying to say that the Princess's Dream was wrong, >Saiki-dono? Sakura: No! NoNoNoNoNoNoNO! Well, yes. Madison: Well, it's not as though it's an unusual thing... >SOUHI >Even you won't be spared if you dare insult the Princess. Syaoran: Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. >HINOTO >Stop. Sakura: In the name of loooooovvvvee! >HINOTO >Hien, Souhi. Len: You two will serve me in *every* way, right...? >HINOTO >Please take care of Saiki-dono's wounds. Syaoran: Don't forget the salt. I don't like failure. Sakura: Yorokonde! >HIEN/SOUHI >Yes, maa'm. Sakura: Yes, ma'am! >P133 >ARASHI >Princess Hinoto... Sakura: I... Hey! Wait a sec... You're not Hinoto! You're Emeraude! Someone get CLAMP on the phone. They sent us the wrong princess. Madison: But, if you think about it, does it really make much of a difference, anyway? >HINOTO >Just call me 'Hinoto'. Syaoran: On second thought, call me Ishmael. Sakura: Call me Okashira! Len: Just don't call me late for dinner! *rimshot* Sakura: I thought Kero was the only one who still used that line. >HINOTO >I'm not a princess, merely a blind diviner. Sakura: So Hinoto is blind? Syaoran: So love, justice and prophets. Len: What sort of diving method does she use? Crystal-gazing? Bibliomancy? Entrails? >%ARASHI >%A mysterious voice that speaks directly to my mind. Syaoran: Goddamn this voice inside my head... Goddamn this voice inside my head... Goddamn this voice inside my head... >P134 >HINOTO >Hien and Souhi are just imitating the way their parents talked to >me. Syaoran: So they're basically human parrots? Sakura: BRAWK! Hien want a cracker! BRAWK! >HINOTO >Since their parents have died, they have been serving me well, >taking their parents' place Sakura: Especially considering I'm the one who killed their parents and... Oops... Len/Madison: We're indentured servants. >ARASHI >Then Hinoto... Len: ...Is really a man! Madison: I think we'd recognize if that were Sei. >ARASHI >What exactly is your dream? Sakura: Well, I'd like to get married, have kids, a nice house in the suburbs, have a rewarding career... >P135 >HINOTO >The end of this world... Sakura: Akio Ohtori? Syaoran: Madison: Lina's going to cast the Giga Slave. >HINOTO >The one with the power to see the future ...the oracle, the diviner, >the prophet... Len: ...The long-winded expositer... >P136 >HINOTO >Since ancient times, these people have been delivering the >prophecies about the end of the world. Madison: Shall I take the time to point out the fact that all of them have been wrong so far? Syaoran: Does this have something to do with the Dead Seas Scrolls again? >HINOTO >As the one gifted with the power to see the future, I, too, divine >the future in my dreams upon people's request. Sakura: For only six dollars a minute! Call now! >HINOTO >But... Madison: Spit it out already, you &@%# #^($*#@ &*%@#. >P137 >HINOTO >That dream is... Len: ...Gone from me. >P138 >HINOTO >The earth... Madison: Isn't it a little overkill when a single sentence uses three pages? >HINOTO >The earth made out of glass... Sakura: So she's looking at a Christmas ornament? Len: A snow globe. You shake it and shards of Tokyo float around charmingly. >P139 >HINOTO >Destroyed buildings... Sakura: Car fires, empty shell casings, dead bodies everywhere... Syaoran: Just another day in downtown Detroit. >HINOTO >The desert... Len: I want to be a dessert nomad. Madison: Raiding chocolate cheesecake across the country! Len: We sojourn across the tapioca plains... Sakura: You guys sound like Kero-chan. >P140 >HINOTO >I can hear the sound of a destroyed world. Len: So... you've heard the sound enough to identify it? Syaoran: What does a destroyed world sound like? Madison: "Whiff". No, wait. That's one hand clapping. >P142 >HINOTO >These people are... Madison: Green and polka-dotted. >P144 >HINOTO >He noticed me? Sakura: He likes me! He really likes me! >HINOTO >He noticed me inside the dream... Syaoran: Hey! Who's that chick that looks like 'The Mirror' card? >P145 >HINOTO >He can see me traveling the dreams? Madison: He'd have to, to notice you. Len: Unless he's Hisoka. Madison: Hey, a little hair dye and some colour contacts and they'd be twins. >P146 >HINOTO >It's cracking. Len: Not much different from you anymore, then, is it? >P147 >HINOTO >Kamui!! Madison: My love! >P148-149 >HINOTO >The earth is being destroyed. Syaoran: Beats being "destoryed", I guess. Sakura: All spelling mistakes are to be ingored. Madison: The first volume pretty much *was* de-storied. >P150 >HINOTO >That face is of... Syaoran: It's the *FACE* of *BRIAN*! Sakura: Huzzah! >HINOTO >That high school student... Madison: Care to elaborate? Which one of the thousands of high school students in Tokyo? >ARASHI >Is it really all there is to your dream? Len: They don't give us detailed descriptions of where and when! >ARASHI >Really? Sakura: No. I'm jerking you around. >P151 >ARASHI >I don't think you brought us here just because of that kind of >dream. Sakura: Look, you're all grown up now. You have to stop calling us whenever you have a bad dream. Syaoran: B...But in this one, the Americans gave control of the country to George W. Bush! Sakura: Oh, dear... Well, I'd better get you some warm milk. >HINOTO >I can't tell you now. Len: This would be because she's a lying bitch... Going to Hell, I know. Sakura: Sorry. We have standing orders from the fanboy upstairs. No insulting the bishoujo types. Len: *rubs head* Hey, if we were following orders, we would've beaten your boyfriend into a little grease stain by now, for all his assaults on Kamui and yaoi. Syaoran: If you think you can be more frightening than my immediate family then bring it on! Madison: I think what Len's trying to say is that perhaps we should put aside our differences for now, for the sake of all of our well-being. >SOUHI >Princess. Sakura: Princess who? Toadstool? Nina? Zelda? Who?! Syaoran: Don't tell me Prince has changed his name *again*. >P152 >SOUHI >People have came to see you. Sakura: Hopefully one of them is an English teacher. Madison: The way this is going? Of course not. >ARASHI >Then please excuse me. Syaoran: I have muffins in the oven and I don't want them to burn. >HINOTO >Arashi-dono. Sakura: Tasuke-sama... >HINOTO >Please protect Kamui. Len: What if I say no? Syaoran: So I shouldn't have lopped off his arms then? >HINOTO >He is the one with the key to the future of this world. Syaoran: That's a scary thought... Madison: Well, it was nice knowing the world, I suppose. >P153-4 >%ARASHI >%The future of....this world. Len: As opposed to some other world. >[POLITICIANS: A high school girl!?] Syaoran: Uh... huh? Sakura: The George W. Bush cabinet in an inexplicable cameo. >P155 >%ARASHI >%Hinoto. >% Madison: Why did they call her that? Is she the fourth yumemi or what? Or should I just not think about it? Len: That seems like a good bet. >%ARASHI >%Although she looks like a little girl, she must be far older than I >%am. Syaoran: Wow! Hinoto has the secret of eternal youth! Len: She bathed in the blood of maidens. >% >%ARASHI >%She can't see, speak, hear or walk... Sakura: So what CAN she do? Madison: Sit around and be helpless and mysterious. >P156 >%ARASHI >%The conversation was entirely held by telepathy. Syaoran: 'Cause talking is for losers. >% >%ARASHI >%The diviner who is destined to see the future, sacrificing >%everything she has... Sakura: Geez... All Hitomi Kanzaki needed was a deck of tarot cards and a pendant. Len: Well, she wasn't exactly the quickest hand at correctly reading said cards correctly. Sakura: How about Ishizu Ishtar and her Millennium necklace? Syaoran: Mmmmm.... Ishizu-sama...^_^ >P157 >%ARASHI >%Deep beneath this building, she sees dreams for the politicians and >%divines the future of Japan... Sakura: I see magical girls and giant robots and several more crappy Dragonball spinoffs. Syaoran: I see a lot of water... Sakura: Should we be quoting that show? Syaoran: We've quoted almost everything else. Madison: All I can see... are back problems... Oh! I'm sorry, Kanoe, that's *your* future. >P158 >%ARASHI >%The diviner living under the House of Representatives. Sakura: Hinoto is the new Speaker of the House? Syaoran: Well as long as it's not Newt Gingrich. >P159 >%ARASHI >%What is the end of the world that she saw? Len: It was taken over by Pokemon. Madison: No wonder she didn't want to talk about it... >P160 >%KAMUI >%That bastard. >% Len: I'll have you know my parents were married three years before I was born! >%KAMUI >%He really screwed me big time. Syaoran: Eeeeewww... There's a mental image I could have done without. *A goban flies out of nowhere and clocks Syaoran* Len: ... Syaoran: SOMEONE WANT A PIECE OF ME?! HUH?! Sakura: Calm down, dear... Madison: The Short One strikes again. >% >%KAMUI >%Oops. Sakura: I did it again! Syaoran: Sakura... Madison: I will break the legs of the next person to allude to that song. >P161 >KAMUI >Damn it! Madison: Kamui is rapidly turning into Her. Len: So I've noticed. >P163 >KOTORI >Oniichan, I can get the notebook at the school store tomorrow... Madison: Notebook? NOW what's going on? >FUUMA >It's OK. While I'm at it, I'll get it as well. Len: Plus my "special" supplies. >KOTORI >Please be careful, Oniichan. Syaoran: He's just going to the store, Kotori. Madison: Well, she knows that our favourite sociopath is out there. >%FUUMA >%The person I met in the school grounds today was... Sakura: And now Fuuma will reiterate everything we've read so far. Syaoran: Noooooooo... >P164 >%FUUMA >%Kamui without doubt. >% Sakura: And Kaumi with doubt. You can see by the pictures we have here what a difference doubt can make. Madison: Why do I need my doubt? >%FUUMA >%But then why did he pass me by without saying anything? Syaoran: He's rude. That's why. Len: He was so nervous he couldn't speak. >FUUMA >Kamui... Madison: Maybe they're just really trying to drill the main character's name into our heads. >P165 >FUUMA >What happened? Syaoran: Someone order another flashback. I'm lost again. >WOMAN >Fuuma-chan. Len: ...No. Sakura: Konnichiwa, Leon-chan. Syaoran: Well, at least it wasn't the Tamayo thing again. >MAN >Oh, you're the heir of the shrine. Sakura: Kaho Mizuki-sensei? Len: As opposed to Uesaka Kaho. Syaoran: Show off... >PEOPLE >Was it a cave-in? Len: Oh, look, the Greek chorus is back. >PEOPLE >Wasn't it some kind of gas explosion? Sakura: I told Fumma not to eat beans near the sacred fire. >POLICE >Please use this side of the road. Syaoran: The left side? We're not British! >PEOPLE >I heard that the roofs of Mr. Yamamoto's and Mr. Suzuki's houses got >blown away. Madison: They were oddly pleased about this. Syaoran: Free sunroof! Score! >PEOPLE >The road is split in half. Sakura: It can cleave your puny street in two! Syaoran: Moses parts the Red Street. Madison: With all the religious symbolism, that would not surprise me at all. >P166 >%FUUMA >%This is the place where Kamui's house was. Syaoran: At least until that unfortunate incident with the exploding ferrets. Sakura: There were two cats in the yard. Life used to be so hard. >FUUMA >Is somebody over there? Syaoran: Jason? Freddy? Michael Myers? >FUUMA >Kamui! Madison: I'm a figment of your imagination. >P167 >FUUMA >Kamui!? Len: That's... 68 times, now, they've said "Kamui". >KAMUI >Fuuma... Syaoran: Bueller... >P168 >%FUUMA >%He's injured. Madison: Oh, he just got half his ribs blown off. He's fine. >FUUMA >Come to my house. Sakura: Fuuma wants to get Kamui alone! Syaoran: GAH! Len: Gah is right! That's something *I* would say! >KAMUI >Leave me alone. Syaoran: I'm being angsty, dammit! >P169 >FUUMA >Kamui! Len: What?! I'm right here. You people can stop calling my name, now. >FUUMA >Come with me. Sakura: I'm a stranger in paradise. Syaoran: ARGH! MAKE IT STOP! >KAMUI >Don't... Syaoran: ...take the... last beer... I want it. >P170 >KAMUI >Don't get...involved with me. Len: Oh, we all know you want him. As much as certain of us would like to deny the fact. Sakura: Which of us are you implying? Syaoran: And keep in mind I have a sword and so does she. Sakura: Don't mind him. He just has bad memories of fanfics where Eriol-kun tries to seduce him. Syaoran: Lousy bastard Hiiragazawa... I'll take that staff and shove it up his... Sakura: Syaoran! Madison: Len... shut up. You two would probably do better simply to ignore her when she makes those comments. >FUUMA >Kamu...! Syaoran: Hey! Finally we have something different! Madison: In a addition to "chew", it also mean "cam". >KAMUI >Don't get involved with me. Syaoran: Leave me to bleed to death already. Sakura: Do not interfere. >P171 >%KAMUI >%You guys should never get involved with me... Madison: What are you implying?! >KOTORI >Welcome home, Oniichan. Sakura: GAH!! Syaoran: What the hell? Was Kamui injured right outside the house? >P172 >KOTORI >Kamui-chan! Madison: Guess who failed her perception roll... Sakura: You never say 'Kamui-kun'. It's always 'Kaumi-chan'! >KOTORI >Oniichan, what happened... Syaoran: Oh, who the hell am I kidding? I don't care what happens to this angsty dork. Len: And why didn't you finish the job?! >KOTORI >What a terrible injury! Sakura: What an obvious statement! >P173 >DAD >What's wrong? Kotori, Fuuma. Syaoran: ...Fleagle, Bingo, Drooper, Snork. Len: Four banana, three banana, two banana, one. All bananas playin' in the bright warm sun... >DAD >KAMUI! Madison: Oh, God, no! It's back! Syaoran: Get me my gun! >FUUMA >Father...? Syaoran: You're not supposed to be in this scene! Len: He's drunk. >P174 >DOCTOR >It could've been a real disaster if the treatment was just a little >bit late. Sakura: Does the doctor have a name? Syaoran: Maybe it's Robert Picardo? >FUUMA >Doctor, please keep this from Police... Syaoran: Also, you do something about my odd speaking like pattern, yes? Madison: Perhaps "Police" is a person? >DOCTOR >I know. I have known the two of you from the time you were in >kindergarten. Sakura: How that relates to the situation at hand, I'm not sure, but I thought I should say it anyway. >DOCTOR >I don't know who did this, but I can't forgive him for using an >edged weapon on a kid as small as him. Syaoran: An edged weapon being defined as... what? Sakura: Something that gives him an edge, I guess. >[DOCTOR: Goddamn!] Sakura: He's starting to talk like Kamui. Syaoran: &*&(ing hell! I let the &^$%ing stitches slip! Len: Or Tenshi. Madison: Look, you stupid %#^&ers, I don't have time to deal with your &^%@#$ ineptitude *and* these ^*&%ing visions. >[FUUMA: Well, small as he is, he is already a 10th grader.] Syaoran: Puberty has not been kind to Kamui. Sakura: It would explain why he's mad all the time. Len: Well, if Fuuma would get off his lazy butt and become evil, this would all be remedied. >P175 >DOCTOR >But what kind of weapon did he use to deliver this kind of wound? A >knife can't do it no matter how sharp it is. Sakura: He probably shouldn't have picked a fight with Wolverine. >FUUMA >What are you doing? Syaoran: Doctor stuff. You wouldn't understand. Sakura: Looks like you're chugging bourbon to me. Syaoran: Hey! Who's the doctor here? >KOTORI >How is Kamui-chan? Madison: We accidently replaced his heart with a baked potato. He has three seconds to live. >FUUMA >He is sleeping. Sakura and Syaoran: SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP!!! >DOCTOR >I took care of him and you've got nothing to worry about. Syaoran: Yep. I put him to sleep. It seemed like the most humane thing to do. Len: Considering how things are going to go from here on out, it would have been. >KOTORI >Thank you. Len: You know, there's one way you can thank me, Kotori-chan... >FUUMA >I'll see the doctor off. > >FUUMA >Take care of Kamui. Sakura: Take care of him? Syaoran: No. Nothin' like that. >KOTORI >Eh? But... Madison: What do I look like? A nursemaid? >P176 >FUUMA >I'll be back soon. Syaoran: I'll be back. >KOTORI >Excuse me... Sakura: ...but do you have any Grey Poupon? >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan... Madison: Stay asleep so I can kill you. >P177 >%KOTORI >%The dream of Kamui-chan destroying the earth... >% Len: It was strangely exicting... >%KOTORI >%Why did I have that kind of dream? Sakura: Three guesses, lady... Len: ...And the first two don't count. >$KAMUI >$Things have changed in 6 years. Syaoran: Or they haven't. I'm not sure which it is anymore. Len: Care to elaborate, Kamui? >P178 >%KOTORI >%What happened during the last 6 years? Len: We don't know. CLAMP won't tell us. Sakura: It's out little secret! Syaoran: Damn straight! >% >%KOTORI >%Kamui-chan. >% >%KOTORI >%I don't mind even if you hate me... Sakura: 'Cause I don't like you either. Madison: At least the feeling is mutual. >P179 >%KOTORI >%But please don't do anything dangerous. Len: You say that like he can do something about it. >SORATA >Looks like the situation got more complicated. Syaoran: And I wasn't able to figure it out before! >SORATA >Just when I though that I could talk with Kamui... Len: I could tell him how I truly felt! >SORATA >A strange dude popped out of nowhere and they flew away together. Sakura: Off into the setting sun. Syaoran: Ladies and Gentlemen! The Amazing Flying Bishonen! >P180 >SORATA >When I thought I finally tracked them, the building crumbled down >and a weird lady who can pull out a sword from her palm appeared... Syaoran: I didn't know Palm pilots came with that feature. Must be an advanced security thing. Madison: And to think, he falls in love with this girl. >SORATA >I envy him! Len: Oh, I know, really. All I want to do is get splattered once a volume. >SORATA >How lucky of him to be nursed by such a pretty girl! Syaoran: Yeah. I know what that's like. The only problem is you have to get sick first. Len: Oh, that's okay. Just learn to fake it really well. >P181 >SORATA >There must be more to him than meets the eye. Syaoran: He must be a robot in disguise! >[SORATA: You lucky devil!] Sakura: Emphasis on devil. Madison: Well, depending on how you look at it, he *is* the anti-Christ. >SORATA >Therefore... Len: ...I am Socrates. Madison: That was terribly obscure. >SORATA >If you dare disturb a young couple, you'll get kicked to death by a >horse, Mister. Syaoran: Excuse me? Where did *that* come from? Madison: That seems a tad harsh... >YUUTO >No, I had no intention of disturbing them but I've got a job to do. Syaoran: You know, it occurs to me that if this were "Noir", all these dopes would be dead by now. Sakura: Yeah. Mirelle and Kirika would've just put a bullet in the back of Kamui's head when he wasn't looking. Syaoran: Or a fork. Depends on the situation. Len: Mmm... Kirika... Syaoran: Hey! That's *my* line! >P182 >SORATA >Mr., who the hell are you? Sakura: "Mr. Who The Hell Are You"? That's an odd name. Syaoran: Well, it's still better than being Mr. Pink. >YUUTO >I'm just a passerby. So don't mind me. Syaoran: These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along. >SORATA >A passerby don't climb up the tree. Sakura: Sorata don't think about wording correctiness. Madison: A very weird passerby does. Len: Oh my God, he's a voyeur! >YUUTO >Well, since the weather is so nice, I thought I could take a walk. Syaoran: Up a tree?! Who is he, Lionel Richie?! >SORATA >You're such a funny fellow. Len: "Fellow"? What the hell kind of wording is that for a high schooler? >P183 >SORATA >You have business with Kamui, right? Madison: Nudge nudge, wink, wink, say no more, say no more... >YUUTO >If so, what are you going to do? Len: ...I hadn't thought about that part, yet. >SORATA >I have business with Kamui, too. Madison: What kind of business? >SORATA >When I though I finally found him, some bastard in a weird school >uniform snatched him away and I couldn't speak with him. Sakura: Calgon, take me away! >P184 >SORATA >If I wait any longer, I'll be an old man. Sakura: Reduced to groping and stealing panties from high school girls. Syaoran: Sweet-o! >SORATA >Mister, are you a friend of those people in school uniforms? Len: People in school uniforms?! Where?! >YUUTO >No. > >SORATA >In any case, postpone your business with Kamui until I'm done with >mine. Madison: I was here first, so neener neener neener. >P188 >YUUTO >You has set up a kekkai...that is, you're an 'empowered one'. Syaoran: And I is an 'baddly dubbed one'. Now you will must die. >P189 >SORATA >I'm a pacifist roughneck. I don't want to cause troubles to ordinary >people. Sakura: Beats being a pacifist redneck, I guess. Syaoran: If the biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart... Madison: Which is to say, he doesn't want to fill out the paperwork. >YUUTO >The area under the influence of a kekkai becomes another dimension >and that area does not receive any actual damage from the battle. Syaoran: Of course, being the one who set up the kekkai, you know doubt already know all this, so why am I telling you? Len: Yuuto is wearing the Exposition hat. Sakura: He's a graduate of the Fuu Hououji School of Stating the Obvious! >YUUTO >However, if the person who set up the kekkai gets killed or >seriously wounded.... Sakura: The fight hasn't started and Yuuto already assumes he's going to win? Syaoran: He must have borrowed a personality from a Ranma 1/2 character. >SORATA >The area under the influence of the kekkai will be destroyed in >exactly the same way it was damaged during the battle. Syaoran: Kind of a crappy safety feature, isn't it? Madison: Not to mention rather nonsensical. >SORATA >Earthquake, fire, man-made or natural...the place will be destroyed >someday for sure. Sakura: So he wants to prevent destruction, but if it happens... Oh, well. Who cares? Len: Might as well expedite the process! >SORATA >It could be the next day, or 3 years later. Syaoran: Or maybe never. I'm just making this up as I go along. >P190 >SORATA >Or on the promised day in 1999... Sakura: Or the next time Hotaru Tomoe has a temper tantrum and unleashes the Silence on us. Who knows? >YUUTO >So you are also... Madison: I am what? Len: Oh, you just *are*. >SORATA >I guess you're also one of those people involved with the 'end of >this world'. Sakura: Yuuto *IS* Touga Kiryuu in "Revolutionary Boy Kamui"! Syaoran: I don't even want to think about who's the Rose Bride in *that* equation. Madison: Well, if Kamui's Utena, wouldn't Kotori be the Rose Bride? Sakura: Sure. And that would mean Fuuma is Akio, Arashi is Juri, Souhi and Hein as Miki and Kozue... Syaoran: Please... Sakura: Still mad about that sketch we did? Syaoran: Why did *I* have to be the Rose Bride? >SORATA >If so, no way can I let you meet Kamui before I do! Len: Unless I... ya know, do. >VOLUME 1 END Syaoran: But Kamui will return in "You Only Cause Armageddon Twice"! >+++++++++++++++++++++++ Madison: Secretly, Kamui always wanted nice house with a white picket fence. >Tonghyun "Vajra" Kim >tkim@sdcc3.ucsd.edu Len: Don't call us... we'll call you. Syaoran: Yes! I've succeeded in making "X" unbearably dull! Up next: Ayashi No Ceres! Sakura: Yay! It's over! Hanyan! Syaoran: Ahh...?! (Somewhere in the multiverse, Kaysa, who's room/laboratory is a mess, is covered head to toe in burns, mechanical grease, and other such evidences of hard work with machinery) Kaysa: (jams a button in a complicated-looking device triumphantly) There! (Unknown Theater of the Lost) (Suddenly the MSTers all disappear in flashes of light) Void: Curses! Foiled again! (The Satellite of Love) [Sakura and Syaoran reappear in the corridor] Sakura: Nande...? Syaoran: Hey. We're back. Sakura: So it would seem. I wonder what happened to Madison and Len? Syaoran: Who knows? Frankly Len can stay there with Void for all I care. Sakura: Mou... Syaoran, that's mean. Meiling:(over the intercom) Syaoran! Sakura! Report to the bridge! Dr. H is calling. Sakura and Syaoran: Oh no... (The Pan-Dimensional Theater) [Madison and Len find themselves standing in the living room/theater entrance of their now-home. Kaysa, having seen through the camera in her room that they're there, runs over to it and speaks to the through the screen] Kaysa:(almost deliriously happy) Oh, thank God, I thought I'd... er... that is... (regains her composure) What's the meaning of this? Len:(grins) You care! Madison:(sighs) It's a long story, sir... ** CARDCAPTOR SCHLUETER'S NOTES: Well, it's been a long, long road to get this MSTing finished. But in the end this is probably the most fun I've had with an MSTing for some time. ^-^ Anyway, I hope all of you out there enjoyed it. April and I are already planning on an MSTing for X-02 and I'm looking forward to it. This was my first real stab at a joint effort MSTing and well, I love it! But then, I love all my work. ^-^ APRIL'S NOTES: I almost can't believe we actually finished the first chapter... You never realize how much dialogue is in a manga volume until you see it like this. ^_^ I might actually see the finished product of having all of these MSTed one day. I concur with the statement above... this was a lot of fun! I think the best part was watching the characters from each storyworld interact. ^_^ Look forward to the next volume of X! We should have it done... eventually... ^_^ ** >SORATA >If you dare disturb a young couple, you'll get kicked to death by a >horse, Mister. An April Hamilton/CCST3K Magical MSTery Tour Producton (c)2004